THE HASSLES OF DATING A TWIN.

My friend Sandra is dating a twin, a few days ago was to be their birthday and Sandra was in a dilemma. She came to me seeking friendly advice and asked “Leticia this cake I am making for Taiye, should I write happy birthday to Taiye and Kehinde”? “As how na?” was my reply “is Kehinde also your boyfriend?” and with those very words came the idea for this article. While I kept teasing her about the hassles of dating a twin, Sandra claimed that twins are also normal human beings and so there is no difference in dating a guy who is a twin or who isn’t but I plan to prove otherwise after this article.

Identity Crisis:

For those who are lucky to be dating non- identical twins, you have escaped this bit. I got to see a picture of Taiye and Kehinde; though they are identical there is a slight difference and even I, who has no eye for such could tell the difference but I went on with my tease (it is my stress relief therapy), while she was still trying to defend her twin lover and I on the other hand was seriously trying to get Sandra to shut up (and trust me when I say getting Sandra to shut up is like trying to get PHCN to give light on a windy night-lol) I didn’t know when the words came out “ what if the only difference between them was on their private area”? The surprise look on her face was priceless, but most importantly I got her attention with those words. What if each time you meet your twin lover, you have to look out for a scar or birthmark somewhere to be sure which is which because I know there are some naughty twins out there who are out to just have fun and take any unlucky lover along for the ride same way also the single party might want to have a bite from both twins under the guise of “I couldn’t tell the difference”. Either way sha, I don’t think I am ready for another identity crisis as I am yet to even discover my own identity.

Torn in between those two:

Dating a twin is like being in a threesome where you have to struggle to get attention because the twins are just too hung up on each other. Imagine them speaking codes that only they understand and you are right there, or they both look at something or someone and they laugh together while you stare on looking lost never understanding their personal jokes and when they get into an argument what do you do? How do you get them to make peace? Whose side will you take? Will it be your love interest who may be wrong or your twin-in law who is right? For an attention freak like me; that’s a big NO NO. Every lady wants to be the center of her man’s world but not when you are dating a twin because it is usually Kenny did this, Kenny says this, Kenny and I used to do it like this (according to my lab rat Sandra..lol). When you agree to date a twin, you have officially signed on to be cheated on for the rest of your life because the twin will always be “the other woman”. I don’t even know which is worse between a male and a female twin but this much I can say, if the other twin doesn’t like you my dear e don be for you (that was going to sound better in pidgin). There are even some twins who can’t make decisions independently and you would hope that your suggestion as the partner should matter but he would rather run to his “Kehinde/paul/Hassana”. This dependency leads me to the next hassle of dating a twin…

Twin-emnization:

 

I just had to coin this phrase cos I figured sole-mnization is between two normal individuals so when it is between a set of twins it should be twin-eminzation (I think I deserve a spot amongst the creators of oxford dictionary) this last hassle I will talk about is the most disturbing one for me. I know that most twins have dreamt of getting married on the same day and in as much as I respect your dream, I am not ready to be a part of it. I can’t imagine that one would get a girlfriend and then have to wait 5 years or more for his unstable and uncommitted twin to finally meet a girl, fall in love and decide he is ready to walk down the aisle with her. Not only do I not have the patience to wait for your brother, I also need you to be reminded that my biological clock is ticking; hello- tick tock tick tock… as if it’s not bad enough that I have to listen to you whine about Taiye all the time we now have to share the same wedding day too? my once in a life time fairy tale? I’d be damned!!! What even makes you think that after waiting 5 years, he’s bride will buy into the double wedding ish? That’s if we don’t wait another 2 years trying to agree on the basic plans for the wedding. I don’t fancy being in competition with anyone much less on my wedding day where guests will be comparing brides- “Taiye’s wife is prettier than kenny’s” and all that side talk. Its not too much to ask that I have one day off from your brother is it?

All this talk coming from me*gasps* I am not hating on twins oo, infact I pray to give birth to twins sef (the future iya ibeji) just that I don’t want my birthing twins to be on a condition that I have to date one. They are precious and unique beings, an exhibition of God’s perfect handiwork and his way of giving you double for your trouble. They share a bond that cannot be understood by anyone else but when that special person does eventually understand it brings about a relationship that is to be admired by all. Sandra is that special person to Taiye and so I wish you both the very best and like I always say “one man’s awwww is another man’s ewwww”.