I had a dream.

Starting from when I was a little girl, I began having this dream. The dream kept reoccurring even as I grew older; some minor details began to change while others seemed to get clearer. The thing about this dream was that it always left a smile on my face and I had this dream even when I wasn’t sleeping. In my dream, I saw my dad walking me down the aisle; I looked so beautiful and happy in my pretty white mermaid wedding dress while clutching my bouquet tightly. As I walked along, I saw familiar faces all light up with a smile at the sight of me. ‘Wow, I must be very pretty’ I thought to myself; my brides maid were already seated, they looked exactly as I had envisioned in their turquoise dresses, well styled hair and perfect make up to wrap up the whole look. My mum couldn’t hide her excitement (as is typical with every mother of the bride), but my gaze was quickly moved to my groom (the faces often changed depending on who I was dating at the moment; lol) he’s smile made my heart beat faster and my feet move according to the rhythm of my heartbeat. He looked breath taking and I could tell he was nervous as I saw some sweat on his forehead before he’s best man could wipe it off. Somewhere in my head I could hear sounds of whistling from my aunties (the typical Tiv whistle), it was indeed a day of joy for everyone, I was amazed at the large crowd that came out to celebrate with me; I felt like a princess and I was happy my groom made this day happen.

I had put in so much effort to make this day a beautiful one, I wanted my reception venue to look like a scene from a movie and that I would find out shortly when the MC would announce the latest MR and MRS to be ushered in. Dancing in with my new husband while my favourite song played loudly (the song too kept changing with every new release *whew*) was the highlight of my dream. From this moment everything just seemed to go by quickly; the chairman’s speech, cutting of the cake, couples’ first dance and finally throwing of the bouquet and this day which I have always dreamt about was finally over. My wedding has been so clear cut in my mind that I really couldn’t wait to get married. In my mid-twenties yet I feel as though I am the only one left. On one sleepless night I began to think and it occurred to me that I have only being excited over the ceremony but what happens after that? When everyone has danced, congratulated us and gone back home and we are left alone with the marriage proper, what happens? Then I realise I haven’t prepared myself for that, I have spent the better part of my life planning my wedding which is just for a few hours while the marriage which is ‘till death do us part’ has been left unattended to. It is quite unfortunate that a lot of ladies out there are like me; carried away by the ceremony but not prepared for the life after and that’s why marriages crash when all the bliss and honeymoon is over and reality sets in. We have lost sight of the important things and put more energy in the less important. Have we ever wondered why the older generations stayed married even without courtship or elaborate weddings? If only we would redirect our focus, work on yourself and prepare to be a wife and not just a bride; for it is better to be a beautiful and successful wife than a beautiful bride with a colourful wedding that can’t make a home; as someone rightly said ‘you can never have the best wedding’ so why bother?  

Based on this; I have redirected my dream. As much as I want a beautiful wedding, I want a better home and for someone reading who finds herself where I am, please join me and let’s make this change together…I believe we can.